


All I Want

by Larrylarryquitecontrary (Bridgetd2)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fingering, HL Summer Fest, Liverpool, Love, M/M, One Night Stands, Oneshot, Sex, Smut, athlete! louis, blowjob, harry is a popstar, song fic sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 07:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1931772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bridgetd2/pseuds/Larrylarryquitecontrary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on prompt: AU where both boys are famous but not in 1D...they can both be musicians but also don't mind model Harry/athlete Louis (hello Posh and Becks!!) or actor Louis/musician Harry! They meet at an event (award show, movie premiere, whatever!) and of course flirt the whole time! Their relationship is very private and secretive at first (maybe one of them is not out publicly yet) but eventually becomes public knowledge....maybe there is scandal and backlash maybe not!</p><p>--</p><p>For a moment, Louis can see it.</p><p>It's brief, and definitely not perfect, but it's there. Harry and Louis, holding hands watching their kids grow older and watching each other's hair turn grey.</p><p>But then Louis remembers.</p><p>This is the real world. And Harry doesn't really love him.</p><p>Or, AU where Harry is a pop singer and Louis is a footy player. Between one night stands, rumors, and the blossoming love of their friends, their relationship is fragile and strictly play.</p><p>Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Want

**Author's Note:**

  * For [absolutelynot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/absolutelynot/gifts).



> I thought I followed it well for the most part.. might be a bit more dramatic than you wanted, though!
> 
> I can't believe I finally got to this point. I feel like it has taken forever.  
> So excited to share this fic with the world! My longest one yet!!
> 
> First things first:  
> The schedule for the Liverpool FC is completely inaccurate due to my love of Christmas. The season here starts in Feburary and ends in July. It should be pretty easy to pick up on, but I'm sorry if it's not.
> 
> Second:  
> My lovely betas, ziamisthenameofmyship and cucumbent on tumblr. They were my angels through all of this and I can not thank them enough.
> 
> Third:  
> I would like to take this time to recongnize my grandma, who actually passed away while I was writing this fic. It was hard to recooperate, but I am so glad I did! 
> 
> Fourth:  
> Thanks to all the girls involved with setting the exchange up as well as granting me a much needed extension. I really appreciate all your hard work!
> 
> Finally, this fic was modeled after the song "All I Want" by Kodaline. Th lyrics ended up really coming through and corresponded well with the plot. I suggest listening to that before you read. I really like Ellie Goulding's version as well!
> 
> Thanks again!
> 
> Enjoy!

_You brought out the best in me._

Sometimes Louis really fucking loved being famous.

Here he was, in Los Angeles, a place he never dreamed of going, at the Teen Fucking Choice Awards with his two best friends.

It wasn't the Oscars, but it was still an award show attended by countless celebrities Louis loved and admired. Not to mention the fact that he was even nominated.

But right now he was nervous as fuck, knee bouncing up and down as he stared, but failed to focus on, the stage where the winner of the award would be announced. He didn't even really care if he won, no. But let's just say he wasn't going to accept a loss.

The two presenters walked on stage, one a country singer trying to be the next Taylor Swift, and the other an actor. They went into some dumb skit most presenters do before finally getting to the actual award.

"You guys voted on this year's best male athlete!"

No, really? Thanks for reminding them for the millionth fucking time.

"And the winner is-"

Louis held his breath.

"Louis Tomlinson!"

Breath released.

Louis stood up and smiled, then turned to give Niall a hug. Niall was nominated too, so it may have seemed awkward but Niall, being Niall, had the fucking happiest grin on his face as he embraced Louis, almost as if he himself had won.

But Niall hadn't. Louis had and he was although he was trying to play it cool, he was pretty fucking excited.

"Congrats mate! Drinks on me!" Niall muttered into his ear. Well, more like slurred into his ear. He basically had to be dragged from the bar when the award was about to be announced because he was chatting up the bartender. Louis mentally rolled his eyes. Here they were at the fucking Teen Choice Awards, surrounded by models and actresses and singers and some of the most beautiful women in the world, yet Niall pines after the fucking bartender.

Louis broke the embrace only to quickly be engulfed by Zayn's thin arms. The gesture was so comforting, so familiar, from years of friendship and holding each other while they cried. Pretty fucking pathetic, but still loving.

"So proud, Lou. So proud of you." Zayn speaks softly into his ear and Louis feels he could just burst into tears. The simple words meant so much, more than anyone but he and Zayn could understand. Zayn was the one who encouraged him in Year 6 to try out for the footy team. He was the one who trained with Louis for weeks, day in and day out, so he could look good for the uni recruiter. He was the one who went to every single one of Louis' uni games, even the ones no one else came to. He was the one who was right beside Louis the day he signed the contract, making him an official member of the Liverpool FC. Zayn's admiration was all Louis could ever want, honestly.

Louis walked into the aisle and smiled despite the fact he had lost his sense of hearing and seeing. It was all a blur, really.

He somehow made his way to the stage and received his award from a pop singer who wasn't nearly as pretty in person as she was in pictures. He thanked his fans in a short speech that was completely improvised and soaked in the final applause from the audience, before being ushered backstage.

It was a completely different vibe back there. The stage crew were running, technicians were yelling, background dancers were doing final runs.

Louis was thrown in front of some camera quickly and asked to give some more thoughts on his win. He talked about how he never believed he would have made it and how lucky he was to have so many people who supported him. He thanked his team, singling out Niall of course. He thanked Zayn, his mum, his sisters and his coach and then he was told to stop the thanking and wrap it up.

When the video was finished, Louis started walking looking for an exit to take him back into the audience.

And then he was flying.

Well, for a second anyway.

He quickly smacked into the floor, only to be covered by a long body with dark ink on its arms and messy hair that sort of smelled like coconut.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry. God, I'm so fucking clumsy." The body spoke as it scrambled off Louis chest.

Louis hopped up when the weight had gone and turned to Mr. Coconut.

Oh man. Mr. Coconut was pretty.

His messy hair was actually quite perfect really, all curly and styled nicely. His green eyes held a look of complete distress, as if he was 10 years old and had just broken his mum's vase. His mouth was sinfully pink with a hint of dimples despite the frown he held. He was fucking tall, with long legs and enormous hands that Louis imagined could do very, very interesting things. He looked vaguely familiar but Louis couldn't put his finger on where or how he might know him.

"Listen mate it's alright, really. I wasn't really looking, anyway."

The boy nodded before pausing to take in Louis. He raked his eyes over his body a little too long to be considered simply curious, but that was fine with Louis. His eyes seemed to grow a bit when he reached his face again.

"No way, you're Louis Tomlinson! Oh fuck, can't believe I just knocked you over! , Ooh my God, Gemma's gonna die when she hears this one, ! Wow. You're so much hotter in person. Like, your eyes-"

"Hold on, hold on."

The boy paused and blushed a bit.

"So you're a fan?"

The boy nodded.

Louis dived into his pockets to retrieve a pen he knew was in there, then grabbed to the boy's arm and rolled his sleeve up.

"What's your name?"

The boy looked at him for a second, almost amused, until Louis raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

" 'M Harry. Harry Styles."

And click.

Of course Harry fucking Styles, the pop star who's on every radio station ever, fell on him. Really, Louis? You couldn't even recognize the face that's all over your sisters' walls?

Louis slowly rolled up his sleeve and put then pen away before looking up at Harry.

"How about this. You buy me a drink because I'm fatally injured, and tell me all about how amazing I am and how much you love me. Deal?"

Harry looked surprised for a second before bursting into the biggest smile Louis had ever seen.

"Lead the way, Tomlinson."

~

"Who's Gemma?"

Louis slurred before downing his 5th? 7th? shot. Harry looked at him, his hair all awry and his lips pinker than skyline during sunset.

"My sister. We kind of both have a crush on you."

Louis smiled. He had missed the rest of the show to drink with Harry and he was having more fun than he could imagine. He was pissed and slightly horny and Harry kept giggling and palming himself slightly. He'd been in this type of position before, so he knew where it was going to end up.

Might as well speed up the process, eh?

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

"If you stop wanking for 5 minutes, we can catch a cab to my hotel and my mouth can replace that hand."

Louis never had been one for subtly.

Harry looked frazzled for a moment before understanding.

"Yeah Lou- shit, let's go. Now. Let's go now."

They quickly paid before exiting the bar and soon enough they were in the back of some cab going to Louis' hotel, snogging like there was no tomorrow.

Louis' mind was racing like a fucking horse, but the majority of his thoughts consisted of Harry Harry Harry. The minority, however, wanting to play the sensible role, reminding Louis of his need to let Zayn and Niall know where he was, and of the potential of broken hearts related to pop stars.

He knew what side he should listen to, which side was going to prevent having a heartache that would hurt as much as the inevitable hangover in the morning.

But Louis was never one for listening, was he?.

The cab slowed to a stop and Louis disconnected his mouth from Harry's, just so he could pay the cabby. He knew he had been looking at the two of them, and it was quite possible he had recognized at least one of them. So Louis threw in an extra $100 as a silent agreement to keep, well silent.

Harry jumped out of the car and pulled Louis towards the door. Louis, even in his pissed state, looked around to make sure there were no paps to capture the scene. Boy, would the press have a field day. He knew Harry wasn't out of the closet and he sure as hell wasn't either. Thought about it a few times, but never took charge. That and the fact that he had also been "advised" not to by his PR rep, Eleanor.

So it was lucky Louis didn't spot any photographers,, but it didn't make him any less anxious to get inside.

Harry quickly pulled him in the lift, where he went to press a button, before his face fell when he realized this wasn't his hotel.

"12."

Louis breathed hotly into the tall boy's ear. Harry pushed quickly before attacking Louis' neck, his teeth gently running along the vein.

Louis stifled an embarrassing moan and felt his trousers tighten a bit, causing his cheeks to redden and his body to start feel a bit hot. The lift doors closed with a silent 'thud'.

Harry noticed his predicament as well, and smirked before rubbing his palm over Louis’ crotch.

This time Louis didn't even try to stop his sounds, letting out a groan at the feeling. Those hands would be the death of him.

Faster and firmer Harry pressed, bringing Louis embarrassingly close.

Louis moaned and shifted, jerking into Harry's hand, asking for more friction and begging to-

And then Harry's hand was off and the doors opened. Louis opened his eyes to a smirking Harry, who sported an impressive hard-on himself. Louis reddened in embarrassment at his state and at the abrupt end to a wonderful palming experience.

"You ok, Lou? You look a little flustered."

Harry giggled, and Louis flipped him off before dragging him to his room.

He praised the Lord when he managed to fumble his key card into the slot while Harry nibbled behind his ear.

Finally, finally, they were in the room. Louis wasted no time, pulling off his clothes so he was left in nothing but his pants, then jumped on the large bed in his suite. Harry removed his clothes as well and Louis couldn't help but stare at the ink covering his tan skin. It was so beautiful, like a work of art on a life size canvas. He wondered if Harry had a story behind each one, or if they were simply doodles drawn from his childish imagination. When Harry was finished, he hopped onto the bed on top of Louis, running his gigantic hands down Louis' chest. Louis shuddered at the feeling, still hard from the scene in the lift.

"Harry," he managed to breathe out in between moans.

"Hhmm", Harry responded, his moth now under Louis' belly button, biting gently at the soft skin.

"If you don't take care of me, I'll take care of myself."

That seemed to do the trick. Harry pulledLouis’ pants down before focusing his eyes on his hard cock.

Louis suddenly felt exposed. He didn't do this often, ; sleep with pretty strangers he met in random places. In fact, all of his other hook-ups were pre-arranged, with people who understood the need for discretion.

But then Harry's tongue was tracing circles on his slit, and Louis couldn't really think about anything but Harry's mouth and Harry's lips and Harry's ability to take all of Louis in one single swallow. And after a few thrusts into his glorious mouth, Louis was coming, his mouth now spilling his only thought- Harry Harry Harry.

//

_When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside._

Louis felt the effects of last night all over his body. His head pounded from, the alcohol. His cock throbbed from the sensitivity it had developed after countless sloppy blowjobs and the glory that is Harry's tight arsehole. But perhaps the loudest sound came from his heart, drumming against his ribs, like it was composing a tune, when he had awoken to the beauty that was the sleeping Harry Styles.

The cause of Louis’ waking up to such a sight was a pounding on the door, ironically. Louis reluctantly climbed out of bed, his head hurting even more after he stood on two feet. He walked to the door and opened it, putting on his best 'I-hate-you-for-waking-me' face, before quickly wiping it off when he saw the two angry, (well one angry, one sort of pouty), faces of Niall and Zayn. Right, he sort of left them didn't he?

Oops.

"Hey mates, how are you?" Louis said with an easy smile, hoping this whole thing would be forgotten.

"Oh me? I'm fine, fine. I really had a great time last night searching all over the fucking city to find you. Who cares that we were at an award show? I'd much rather search the streets and be attacked by every-

"Excuse me, is Harry Styles in here?"

A young man with caramel brown hair and eyes that reminded Louis of his old puppy, dressed in a black suit and tie and reekingwhich reeked of wealth and importance, appeared next to Zayn at the door, completely draining the anger off his face into a look of complete infatuation. Yes, the man was hot, but really, Zayn?

It was quiet as the three stared at Mr.Puppy-Eyes in observation until he cleared his throat and repeated the million dollar question.

"Is Harry Styles in this room, sir?"

He looked at Louis and raised his eyebrows in question. Louis blushed profusely at the fact that yes, Harry was indeed in HIS hotel room, butt naked and lying in HIS bed.

"Uh, who are you?" Louis asked. Before Louis was saying anything he was going to make sure this man wasn't here to find a scandalous cover story for his gossip blog. He seriously doubted it, considering the lad looked pretty professional and concerned, but you never knew these days.

"I'm Liam Payne, I'm Harry's manager. Harry's been missing since the middle of the show yesterday, and the bartender at the awards said you two left together." He paused before taking a hand to his forehead and creasing the skin in worry. Zayn looked like he was ready to fucking devour his lips till that look was only a memory.

"Look, Harry is in a bit of trouble. Well, more than a bit. In addition to his role as a presenter, he won 2 awards last night and wasn't there to receive them or present. Due to his popularity, this was a real people are really upset, especially since he promised his fans were promised he was going to be there."

Oh, fuck, Louis. What the hell did you do?

"The security guard he was with had brought him backstage to prepare for the presentation. Harry apparently had asked him for a drink, he went to get it, came back, and Harry was gone."

Louis looked down in embarrassment. Nice going, idiot. Jesus fuck.

"Look, mate, it's alright if he's here. But I need to talk to him immediately so..."

Louis looked down in embarrassment.

He hesitated before quickly stepping aside to grant access to Liam without saying a word. Zayn and Niall gaped at him, and Liam even looked a bit shaken before he quickly scooted into the suite, leaving Louis with the wide mouthed toads.

"Before you say anything-"

"Jesus Christ, Lou, Harry Styles? Are you fucking with me?" Niall looked about ready to burst into hysterics at any moment.

"Lou, you hate his music," he continued. "You call it pop shit every time it comes on the fucking bloody radio! And here you are, fucking shagging him?!"

Zayn had lost every bit of anger he held, and now looked at Louis with pleading eyes.

"Louis, please tell me you didn't fuck. Please. Is he even gay? I mean, I know there are rumours, but." He looked at Louis hopefully.

Louis took a deep breath before answering the way he knew best.

"Looked pretty gay when he was riding my cock, mate."

Niall lost it, erupting into a huge fit of giggles. Zayn groaned before cracking a smile himself and grabbed Louis into a squeeze.

"Don't do that again, Lou. You scared me. Don't know what I would have done if..." His soft whisper trailed off at the end and Louis felt like his heart could burst.

" 'M sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

" 'S okay Lou, I know."

They held on for a bit longer until Liam walked out with a shirtless, slightly anxious Harry in-tow and lord, Louis could just met right then and there.

"Good morning, Louis." Harry said, dimples as big as a thumbprints, breaking the frown that had graced his face.

He turned to Zayn and stuck out his hand.

"Hello, I'm Harry. Harry Styles."

Zayn grinned and shook Harry's hand.

"Zayn Malik, I'm Louis best mate."

"Any pal of Louis’ is a pal of mine!" Harry responded staring at Louis. Louis groaned and Niall and Zayn went off into giggles again. Liam even cracked a small smile. Harry introduced himself to Niall and whispered something in Liam's ear, leaving Louis feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Louis?"

He looked up to see Harry in the door frame.

"Can I speak to you in here for a moment?"

Louis nodded and followed Harry inside the room, heart racing.

The thing was, Louis hated this. The day after, that is. He hated waking up in the bright morning with all his midnight mistakes staring him in the face. Literally. Now hHe didn't want to see bright- eyed Harry leave, but he didn't know how to make him stay.

"What are you thinking about?"

Harry quietly inquired, interrupting Louis' thoughts.

"You. Last night."

Harry nodded before sighing and speaking.

"I was drunk, Louis. Really pissed off my arse. I should have never left the awards, I should have never done what we did."

Louis' heart dropped like a faulty lift. Of course he didn't want anything, of course he regretted it. No one ever stayed, Louis knew that. But why was this still so hard to hear?

"Look Lou, I, uh, am not out. And I'm not going to be anytime soon. With everything that's going on with my career, I can't fuck it up with something like this."

He's a pop star, Louis. Why did you sleep with a pop star? A closeted pop star. Damn you, Harry Styles.

"Louis, please say something."

Louis sighed. He knew the routine. Fake a smile, deny. Lie a little, die a little inside.

Showtime.

"Harry, mate, I get it. No big deal. I, um, wasn't looking for anything serious anyway."

Harry broke into a relieved smile that tugged at the veins in Louis' heart. "Oh, good, good. I was worried. But we can still talk and like, hang out as friends. If, you know, you would want that."

Louis didn't want to be friends. He wanted to kiss him and love him and be held by him.

"Of course, lad, of course. And hey," Louis said pointing to Zayn and Liam who were currently conversing rather shyly, both with fond silhouettes of grins on their faces, " let's make sure they get together and fuck soon. Zayn could sure use it."

Harry laughed. "Liam, too." He hesitated for a moment before hugging Louis.

"Goodbye, Lou."

Louis felt his heart choke and his breath stammer and his eyes drop.

"See you around, Harry."

//

_Take my body, take my body._

Louis decided to stay in LA with Zayn and Niall. It was the off- season, anyway, and he loved this city so fucking much. It had nothing to do with Harry Styles, though. Nothing at all.

Louis choose to rent a house, right outside the city's limits, granting easy access to various events.

The access hadn't been needed yet, though.

Louis had stayed locked in the house for the first two weeks, eating take out and playing rounds of FIFA, while Zayn and Niall did every fucking thing a tourist could do in the dumb city. (Yes he did just say he loved the city but, well, fuck.)

They had invited Louis every time, of course, but Louis always said no. It had nothing to with Harry Styles, though. Nothing at all.

He knew they were worried, he could see it in Zayn's eyes and feel it in Niall's sighs, and fuck, he didn't mean to worry them but he was worried himself. Why the fuck was he still so hurt over Harry's goodbye?

At least his mood and feelings towards Harry hadn't stopped Zayn from seeing Liam. At first he was surprised to have woken up from a nap to see Mr.Puppy-Eyes, who looked just as good in a jumper and sweats as he did in a suit, sitting on the couch watching The Amazing Spider-Man with Zayn. But after seeing the way Zayn looked and smiled at him so fondly, he'd be a fucking monster if he wereas rude just because Liam happened to be He Who Should Not Be Named's manager.

He found it hard not to slap him, though, after he decided to make a comment about this best friend.

Zayn and Liam had come home to Louis on the couch (what else was new) and Zayn had gone into this whole spiel about how worried he was, the usual.

This time, however, Liam decided to put his to sense in.

"You know Harry seems pretty lonely, too. Maybe you two could get together or something."

"Or something." Louis had muttered shooting the two a look that said 'bring this up again and you die'.

For a moment he had imagined that Harry, too, was missing him and spent he days wallowing away because he was too scared to get his heart broken.

But then he had remembered this was Harry they was talking about. He wouldn't stand being lonely, even if it resorted to chatting up a random stranger.

So Louis had let the comment go, tucking it back in all his hopes and dreams that could/ would never happen.

One afternoon, after a day filled with Grand Theft Auto and curry rice, Zayn marched into the room, not bothering to acknowledge Louis' presence before abruptly shutting off the game displayed on the TV.

"What the fuck, I was winning!"

Not really, but.

Zayn faced him and Louis immediately noticed the anxious look spread across his face along with an opened black envelope in his hand.

"Louis." Zayn looked at him sternly before sighing and joining Louis on the couch.

"Babe, you need to get out of the house. I'm worried about you, we all are. Even Liam noticed something was up."

Louis snorted before sighing himself.

"I just- fuck, I don't know what to do. I don't know why this meant something different than any of my other hook-ups."

Zayn nodded before handing Louis the opened envelope.

Louis stared and him for a moment and Zayn lifted his eyebrows as if to say 'go ahead'.

Inside the envelope was a black invitation card to a charity event held in the city every year. It was in three days, and fuck, Louis didn't want to go.

It wasn't like he didn't support charity or anything. He donated a large portion of his assets to his local hospice, Bluebell Wood, and always made an effort to grant every Make-A-Wish that involved him.

But right now, the thought of leaving this room to go join civilization, or the top 1%, made his stomach churn with anxiety.

"Absolutely not, Zayn."

"Louis-"

"I'm not going, never in a million years."

Zayn sighed.

"Lou, please?"

He gave him his best puppy dog eyes and fuck, no way was Louis going to give in.

 

 

//

_The part of me I've never seen._

He gave in.

Here he was in some large theater, dressed in a fucking tuxedo, sittingat across from Zayn and Liam who couldn't stop making faces at each other., Cand could they just fuck already?

Zayn glared at him while Liam's cheeks grew red, and Louis realized he had voiced his last thought.

"What? 'M tired of all this smiling bullshit, suck each other off please so me and Niall don't have to deal with this anymore."

Niall laughed (shocker), and Liam's cheeks grew positively scarlet before being distracted by his ringing phone.

He excused himself, leaving Louis with an glaring Zayn who Louis just shruggeds at, not in the mood to deal with him. Or anyone else for that matter.

The event consisted of various speakers, including the charity’sy' founder and various celebrities who had donated greatly to the cause. There was also to be an appearance by two anonymous musicians who had agreed to make their performance available for download, with all proceeds benefiting the cause.

Louis had no bid to stay, however. He wanted to leave as quickly as possible. He was hot and felt sick and yearned for his games and take away pizza and fuck, he needed a drink.

He turned to Niall to see if he wanted something, but the boy was nowhere to be found. Figureds, Louis thought.

He then turned to Zayn, only to see the boy greet a conbfused Liam who had just returned from a his phone call. Liam whispered something in Zayn's ear and Louis watched as Zayn's pupils grew wide, before turning to look at Louis..

There was a slight trace of worry on his face for a moment before Zayn quickly shook it away and turned back at to Liam with a fond smile. -Louis took this as his cue to leave.

He left the table and joined the traffic of people heading to the bar. There were minimal photographers, which Louis was thankful for, but he still stayed out of the spotlight, not in the mood to pose for pictures. Despite his efforts, he was soon pulled into a picture with some wannabe actress he could never shake off his shoulders atplaces like this. He smiled for the photographer, nonetheless, before quickly running away to avoid having small talk with the woman.

Yet again,he was pushed by the crowd into the back of a man posing for a photograph. Louis couldn't make out who he had run into until the man turned and holy shit, not again.

"Lou."

Harry whispered with a small smile. No way was Louis melting inside.

"Hey, you gonna get in the picture or not? Feel free, I get paid by the celebs in the photo."

The photographer flashed them a quick smile revealing his missing teeth and black gums.. Harry broke his intent stare with Louis only to nod to the photographer. He pushed the small of Louis' back softly up so they were next to each other in front of the camera.

Louis shot Harry a look of confusion which was returned by a dopey smile on Harry's face. Typical bastard.

"Alright, on the count of three… One, two three.

Louis had been too busy staring at the grin on Harry's face to here the photographer, so he was certain the picture was horrible.

"Wow, this is good stuff,” commented the photographer. ."

He looked up and smiled sincerely at the boys.

"You two look nice together."

"We're not-"

But before Louis could get a word out, he was gone. He sighed and turned to fully look at Harry for the first time.

"Weird, huh?"

Louis broke the terrible awkward silence. Harry nodded, looking at his shoes and takinga deep breath before meeting Louis' eyes and smiling.

"Fancy seeing you here. Didn't peg you as one for making appearances at charity events, though."

Louis mocked offense, placing a hand on his chest and fighting the grin that threatened to expose his tactics.

"Excuse me, you are looking at a most generous donor to children’s hospices and African schools."

Harry laughed, so loud and with his whole body that it hurt somewhere deep inside Louis' brain or heart. He couldn't tell at this point.

"So why are you here Harold? And why is Liam at my table as opposed to yours?"

"Uh, it was a bit of a last minute thing. The committee asked me and Chris Martin to come in and perform to raise a bit more money, or something like that. Liam didn't know because I let him have the week off. He's been so happy with Zayn., Lou, you should see him. I figured I could handle one week without him. I just decided not to tell him about this because I didn't want to bother him, but turns out he's here too so, yeah."

God, he babbles, but Louis felt like he could listen to his voice every day of every week of every month of every year and Jesus Christ, why is it like this?

Harry looked down at his watch and Louis watched as his eyes widened when he realized the time.

"Shit, Lou, I got to go, I'm on in ten."

He paused before looking at Louis hopefully.

"Stay and watch?"

And fuck, Louis doesn't think it would be posssible to say no to this boy.

He wanted to say of course or wouldn't miss it for the world but could only manage a nod, staring at his feet.

Harry didn't seem to mind, though, and beamed like a fucking sun at Louis’, response.

"Hey, Louis?"

Louis looked up.

"Yeah, uh, do you wanna maybe, come over to my flat after this? We could watch a film or something, or just play FIFA."

Louis whole body screamed no. Every fiber, every organ, told him how hard the next morning was going to be when Harry doesn't want him to stay, and fuck, he wanted to say no so badly but,

"Sure, Harry. I'd like that."

///

_You took my soul and wiped it clean._

After Harry and Chris' tear invoking performance (Louis included, he knew Harry was good, but honestly) of Fix You, Harry met up with Louis again. Louis kept reassuring him that he was amazing, and no, he was not mediocre compared to Chris, and yes, he looked good on stage.

He made a quick run to the table where they sat and ignored the questioning stares and smirks on their faces when they spotted Harry behind him. He wanted to make sure that Zayn and Niall knew he was leaving after the last event’s mishaps.

Louis followed Harry to the back door, only to be greeted with a swarm of paps and, fuck, this wasn't supposed to happen. Harry froze for a moment, undoubtedly shocked at the blinding lights, before continuing to the car parked on the curb, Louis trailing behind. They both goet in, which threw the paps for a loop, causing even more flashes and fuck, was that even possible?

They managed to pull away, riding in a eerie, uncomfortable silence for a few moments until Harry spoke up.

"We going to be all over the papers."

Louis responded with silence.

"They're going to say we're together, know they will. I've had to deal with gay rumors since the day my first single came out and-"

His anxious words were cut off by Louis' lips, and fuck what was he thinking? Here the boy is worried about the tabloids saying he’s in a relationship with Louis and he was just heightening the anxiety Harry's probably feeling.

Wasn’t he?

Harry's lips say otherwise, pushed firmly into Louis mouth, his tounge esoftly caressing Louis' bottom lip. Louis pulled off before it could get any further, though.

"Harry, I'm, shit, I'm sorry. I'm not really sure where that came from."

Harry looked frazzled, before nodding.

"Guess we're just made for backseat snogging, eh?

Louis knew Harry was just joking and trying to break the tension, but the joke came across as awkward and regretful.

Louis sighed and turned to the window silently. He obviously couldn't leave now, as much as he wanted to, but once the car arrived at Harry's he figured he could bribe the driver just to take him home. Better he leave before he mfucked anything else up.

Soon enough, but what also felt like an eternity later, they were in front of Harry's flat. And sure enough, who else was there? A swarm of fucking paps, that's who.

Harry groaned, turning to face Louis.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why they're here."

Well you are a celebrity, young Harry.

"It's okay. They won't have much to photograph, the bastards. 'M just gonna hitch a ride back home with-"

He turned to the driver who seemed surprised to be brought into the conversation before quickly answering,

"Jim, sir."

"With Jim."

A flash of hurt struck Harry's features for a moment but Louis' doesn't know if it had just been his imagination. Why would Harry care? He seemingly didn’t mind leaving Louis that first night.

"Why are you leaving?"

Harry spoke so quietly Louis was sure he was talking to himself. But he looked up into Louis' eyes with a pleading expression and Louis felt his heart beat against his chest so hard that he was scared he broke a rib.

Any thought or idea about leaving the boy with the curly hair and the dopey smile seemed to drift away with the sad look and puppy eyes he gave him.

"I don't, I don't, uh-"

"Please stay, Lou. I don't want to be alone tonight."

The line was so cheesy and overused, but Louis couldn't help but nod at Harry who lets out a relieved grin. He scooted out of the car quickly and the flashes go off, leaving Louis with bright lights in his pupils and a heavy feeling in his heart.

After thanking Jim, Louis exited the car himself, only to be blinded by the white spark of a camera flash. There were only a few paps watching the car, but Louis still felt so exposed and scared. And then they started shouting.

Ever since Louis had signed to Liverpool three years ago, he had received gay insults- from other players, fans, and even his own teammates. Although the rumors were in fact true, Louis couldn't help but wonder what he was doing wrong. How did these people know?

The first year was hell. Without Zayn by his side, Niall, and his family, he honestly does not think he could have gotten through it. He remembers the first time he was subbed in during an away game versus Man City. The whole stadium, or what had seemed like the whole stadium, started booing him off. Many also yelled things like "fag" and "queer" and other disgusting things Louis can't even bear think about. It was like that for a majority ofr games, until Louis started scoring goals and becoming a pretty good player. Soon enough, most fans were cheering rather than booing. Even people who didn't particularly like him soon stared focusing on his skills rather than which hole he put his dick in.

Tonight, though, Louis felt all those old memories flash back to him. Paps screamed things to him the same way the crowd had and fuck, it hurt. It really hurt. He started to feel his legs shake and his knees go out as he approached the front door, but luckily, Harry was there to pull him inside and trap him into the safety of his home.

"Louis, I-"

For the second time that night, Louis shut him up with his lips. This time, however, Louis was thinking clearly. He needed a distraction. He needed Harry to distract him tonight.

Harry responded similarly to how he had in the car, pressing just as firmily into Louis' mouth as Louis was.

Louis pulled off only to tug Harry toward the stairs, allowing him to lead them towards.

Once again, Louis fell into Harry's every touch, every lick, every kiss. Once again, Harry's arse squeezed Louis' cock like there was no tomorrow and once again Louis came with a shout of the curly boy's name.

But this time, it didn't end there.

After the sex was over, Harry pulled Louis to lay on his chest, caressing his back. It was silent, but a comfortable silence that Louis didn't feel the need to break.

Harry seemed to however, shifting uncomfortably after a bit, and clearing his throat often, before finally choking out a thought.

"Louis?"

"Yes Harry?"

"I think I like you."

Louis chuckled softly on the outside, but his insides told a different story. His heart shook, which he didn't know was possible, and his brain repeated one single thought of maybe maybe maybe.

“Well I bloody hope so seeming we just fucked!”

Harry giggled, a bit forcefully and half-heartedly, before sighing deeply and turning Louis body to face him.

"Louis, I think I really like you. Like like-like you."

As much as Louis wanted to tease him about using such childish terms, his tongue felt tied and he couldn't speak.

He understood what Harry meant as well. He had understood it the minute Harry had told him a lame knock-knock joke in the bar when they first met. He had understood it when he looked at Harry's smile as felt himself wanting to grin. He had known he felt like this and tried so hard to run away because the thought it could be reciprocated seemed almost silly.

But here he was, lying on a curly haired man-child who was telling him he 'like-liked' him in the same bed he just blew the brains out of Louis in.

Life is odd sometimes, eh?

"Lou?"

Harry's voice broke Louis' confusing train of thought, reminding him that yeah, he hasn't said anything has he?

"Lou, look at me"

Harry pulled his face up gently to face his and Louis had no choice but to stare into the emerald diamonds that were his eyes.

"I know I sorta messed up the first night and stuff, but I don't know, with my career being so huge right now I just, ugh, I just don't want to ruin it with my sexuality. And fuck, I don't want to put you in a position where you feel like you're hiding or lying to yourself but I do like spending time with you."

Louis nodded in complete understanding. He knew the feeling better than anyone. As much as he was sick of pretending, the trepidation he experienced when he thought of his first game away, with closed minded fans booing the shit out of him, was enough to prevent himself from telling the whole world he did in fact like cock.

So.

But the thought of being with Harry, even in the quiet of the home, was so liberating. It was kind of like Louis was in a costume that covered his whole body, and although a potential relationship would only free his legs, maybe, at least he could feel slightly more open.

"I like spending time with you too."

It's a weak response after what Harry just said, and there was so much Louis could have responded to and analyzed but he didn't want to make this any more complicated than it felt to be.

Harry grinned and kissed Louis' forehead, before pulling him into a tight embrace.

"When does your break end?" Harry questioned softly in Louis' ear, not bothering to break the hug.

"First of December. Luckily, we're actually training here ttill the new year comes around. Weather's nicer it seems. Then we get a break for Christmas and head back to London in mid-January."

Harry pulled him in slightly, holding onto Louis like he was afraid he'll run away.

"My tour starts in February. My mum and sister are coming here for Christmas, then we'll all fly home together after New Years. Go back to Holmes Chapel for a bit until I have to start rehearsing. Do you reckon you’ll stay here for Christmas as well? Or will you go see your sisters? "

Louis is shocked for a moment at the fact that Harry remembers his sisters. Louis remembers that Harry lives in Holmes Chapel, and has all his life. He used to work in the bakery there and sit by the creek behind the old bridge and just write and fuck, how does Louis know this? Had it really not slipped his mind along with so many other things that night in the bar?

A saying his mother used to tell him when he was younger suddenly came to mind. Your brain will hold what's really important to you, no matter your state. He's pretty sure she had used it to scold him, but the relevance now was, well interesting, and Louis would be lying if the fact alone wasn't invoking some nerves in him.

"Not sure yet." He addressed Harry to break up his thoughts.

"My mum wants me to come home but I guess it just depends, on things. Like if you want me to stay, he secretly thinks.

His phone beeped causing Louis to divert his attention to something other than Harry. He leaned over to pick it up, seeing a new message from Zayn.

_You got your wish._

_????_ Louis replied.

He waited a moment before his phone altered him again.

_Got w/ liam ;)_

_HOLY SHIT!_

"Harry! Zayn and Liam finally fucked!"

///

_Our love was made for movie screens._

The next three months go by blissfully, but painfully fast, leaving Louis with blurs of different memories, most involving Harry.

Harry cooking, Harry laughing, Harry hosting parties. Niall drunk, Liam and Zayn inseparable, the usual. For the most part.

Despite Louis and Harry's agreement to keep their relationship under the radar, rumors have circulated. One time Louis forgot to check for paps before he left the building, causing headlines to pop up, detailing their possible romance. Harry once was seen wearing Louis old jersey, which caused side by side pictures of Louis in the same shirt to be uploaded to blogs and posted on countless twitter pages.

They had even earned a name from their fans, supporters, and the media: Larry Stylinson.

Most of the rumors had died down after the first month, after that they became old news when some movie star had a baby with someone who was not her husband.

The relationship hadn't sunk with it though.

They had spent Thanksgiving together, which was a bit strange considering neither they nor their guests - Niall, Liam, and Zayn- were American. Harry had been so set on cooking, though, so no one argued. They were still in Los Angeles, which was like the heart of America, right?

So Liam, Niall, Zayn, and Louis watched American football and drank beers while Harry played housewife. Dinner had been fantastic, though. The wonder that was Harry's gravy was good enough to allow Louis to let him top that night, no pun intended.

By the time December rolled around, Louis was ready to get back in the game though. He had kept up with his training during the break, but nothing as hardcore as he had in seasons past. He couldn't help but wonder if that was the fault of a certain curly headed boy.

The first practice went pretty well though, considering. Louis settled back into the groove easily. It was also nice to see the familiar faces of his teammates. Louis was talking to Gerrard after the practice had ended when his phone rang.

He excused himself to answer, distancing himself from the few remaining players in the locker room, one being Niall.

"Hello?"

"Hi, babe."

The raspy tone of Harrys voice never ceased to give Louis goosebumps, and this time was no exception.

"How was practice?"

"Great, reall quite good. Forgot how much I've missed it."

"I must have done a pretty good job of distracting you, eh?"

Although there was a teasing tone to his voice, Louis was sure he knew that yes, indeed he had distracted Louis. Harry consumed his every thought, determined his every action, and he better fucking know it.

"You could say that."

"Listen, I talked to Zayn and Liam. They're free tonight so I tonight we could do a proper lads night in celebration of you and Niall's return to the pitch. We could go to that good Italian place on the corner of Cassabella. What'd you say?"

"You had me at lads night. I'm in."

"Great. Think Niall would fancy coming too?"

"It's Niall. Any event involving food and he's there."

Harry laughed in agreement. They said goodbye after deciding a time to meet and Louis went to tell Niall.

Soon enough, they were seated in Bella Nona's, an upscale Italian place with the best Penne Al a Vodka Louis had ever tasted.

Louis breath had hitched a bit when he saw Harry enter the restaurant, as it did every time he say him, really. Louis could never get tired if looking at that face and those legs and fuck, Louis was a lucky man.

It was nearly impossible for a Louis not to get up and kiss him them, but since they were in public and places like these were hotspots for paps, he quelled his urges with a little pinch on his arm, forcing himself to give a friendly slap-on-the-back to an ever-smiling Harry.

The waitress came around when all five were seated; Harry across from Louis and next to Niall, and the sickeningly affectionate Liam and Zayn next to Louis-lucky him.

They all ordered red wine except Niall, of course, who orders a pint of Guiness, much to the waitress' surprise.

They all toasted to the new season, with Liam and Zayn exchanging a quick peck, and Louis and Harry sharing a knowing look and small smile.

"This could've been the best pasta I've ever had. That's a tough title to snag, let me tell you." Niall commented after devouring his whole bowl, and half of Louis' as well.

The boys hummed in agreement, and Louis beckoned over the waitress for the check.

The dinner ended, and Niall left first, mumbling about some club he wanted to check out. Liam and Zayn followed him, holding hands and whispering things that made one another blush and Louis would be lying if he said he wasn't jealous. He wanted so badly to scoop Harry up in his arms and shout to the fucking world, "Yes, we are dating!". He wanted to be able to kiss Harry as he left the restaurant, instead of having to exchange a quick hug.

He was so tired of hiding, and having Harry in the picture only increased the pain he felt. He stepped out before Harry, who gave him a small, sad smile as if to say what can you do.

Well fuck that. Louis exactly what he could do. He was going to come out.

//

_If you loved me, why'd you leave me?_

_you ready, bro?_

_no_

_love you man, so proud of you. see you at the confrence._

_ok_

_happy bday by the way :)_

Louis hadn't felt fear this intense since his first game on the team. His hands shook, his head clouded, his lips trembled. He was actually doing this. He was actually coming out.

Zayn had been the first person Louis spoke to when he made his desicion. They both had cried of course, Zayn more than Louis had ever seen him cry before. After the sentimental part had ended, they were soon stuck with the issue of how the fuck was Louis going to do this.

Although it took a bit, they finally came up with a decent plan that would prevent the least amount of drama an issue like this could cause. They chose to tell the public in a press confrence, which would be scheduled on Christmas Eve, Louis' birthday. The media that would be there would not be informed of the matter of the conference ahead of time.

Louis also chose to tell team’s manager, Simon, and his teammates ahead of time, as well as his PR rep, Eleanor. She had taken it with anger at first, bantering on about the damage it couldd do to Louis' career before sighing and realizing she really had no chance of swaying Louis' opinion. She had then rushed into full PR-mode, trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation after the big announcement.

Simon and his teamates had been a bit surprised, but generally supportive. Gerrard gave Louis a large hug and told him he had his back and of course Niall stepped in as a bodyguard to the few teammates that weren't so thrilled. Most didn't care, and joked that Louis still better be able to strike the ball as well.

He told his family, too of course. They already knew, obviously, but he warned them that the public may not take this as well as they had. It hurt him to know that he was in a position where his desicions could hurt his family, but as selfish as it was, he was so tired of lying.

There was one person Louis chose not to tell, ironic as it is- Harry.

He wasn't going to reveal to the media that they were together, of course, but he knew that with Louis' sexuality confirmed, the rumors would surface again, more fiercely than before, no doubt. He hoped that maybe Harry would follow suit after Louis so they could finally be together for real.

So he left a sleeping Harry in Louis’ bed that morning, as hard as it was, and drove to the locker room where the conference would take place. He spotted Zayn, who would act as his support team, at the entrance and walked up to him, only to be engulfed in a large hug. It broke after what seemed like a second but felt like forever and fuck, Louis was really going to do this, wasn't he? On his birthday too, lucky him.

"You ready?" Zayn questioned, opening the door for him.

Louis nodded and followed him towards the path to freedom.

Hopefully.

~

The conference was a blur of cameras and questions and yelling and wow, okay maybe this wasn't the best idea.

He dropped the bomb right away, causing a great frenzy in the room before questions like "How long have you known?" and "How will this affect the upcoming season?" and the most popular- "Does this mean you and Harry Styles are together?"

He ignored that one, of course, along with most of them, reciting a practiced speech about how the team knew and fully supported him (kind of) and this in no way would affect the chance of winning the League this year, which they still fully intended to do.

He left after about 20 minutes, and told Zayn he would see him tonight at the birthday/Christmas party Harry was throwing for him. The lads, along with of few of Harry's friends and some blokes form the team would be there also.

He climbed into his car and started to make his way to the house when the realization that fuck, he was out finally dawned on him. It felt liberating, but insanely terrifying and Louis realized that this wasn't over yet. He still had to face Harry.

Louis seemed to hit every green light on the way home, much to his dismay, and pulled into the driveway about 15 minutes after leaving the press conference.

He took a deep breath and exited his car, walking slowly to the door and turning the handle.

He stepped in tentatively, his guide being the faint sound of a TV in the living room upstairs. As he approached the room, he made out the shadow of a figure he knew to be Harry, sat in front of a TV displaying a platinum blonde anchor with fake teeth that was speaking and oh, fuck. She was talking about him wasn't she?

"Breaking News today, Louis Tomlinson, star of Liverpool FC came out in a press conference this morning. The team started training here in LA in the beginning of the month. Today is also Tomlinson's birthday. Rumors have been circulating about a relationship between Tomlinson and pop sensation Harry Styles. Despite confirming his sexuality, Tomlinson has yet to address these rumors."

A clip of him from earlier today soon followed a he couldn’t stand to look at his shaking face and fearful eyes.

"Harry?"

Harry didn't bother to turn around, his eyes staying glued to Louis, who had started speaking on the screen.

 _"I feel like I’m not being completely honest to everyone. That's not fair to you,-_ "

"Harry, please…."

_"Not fair to my teammates-"_

"Say something, please."

_"And not fair to me."_

"Harry!" Louis was now in front of the boy, whose curls were all awry and eyes were bloodshot.

"Please." Louis tried in defeat, looking into those pupils and searching for something, anything, a hint of emotion, or-

"Fuck, Louis! What about me? What about what's not fair to me, huh? Did you ever consider anyone but yourself?"

Louis felt his heart crumble at each and every word and rise of Harry's voice, torn to shreds as small as nothing. The fact that Harry thought he was selfish both infuriated him and made him want to cry at the same time.

Harry stood and walked out of the room into the bedroom, muttering things under his breath Louis wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.

Of course Louis followed suit, racing to catch up with him. He arrived at the door to see Harry pulling his hair out and then hitting a pillow rather furiously and no way is Louis going to stand for this-this temper tantrum . His anger was quickly taking over his sadness.

"Fucking hell, Harry! Selfish? I did this for you, us! Do you honestly think that wasn't hard? It was the hardest thing I've done in my fucking life! And for my own boyfriend-"

Louis was cut off by a low mumble from Harry, something he wished he never had heard.

" 'M not your boyfriend."

The room was silent for a moment as Harry continued staring at the floor, his tantrum evidently over, and Louis stared at the ceiling, hoping the angle would prevent the tears in his eyes from dropping. It didn't.

"Louis," Harry whispered, barely breaking the silence. "I'm sorry I've been leading you on. I-I don't, uh,-"

Louis knew what was coming next he knew and fuck, he was not ready to hear it.

"Harry, I love you."

There was a silence again as Harry looked at Louis with surprise, as if it was a shock that Louis was completely infatuated with him. He shook it off though, resuming his heartbreaking speech much to Louis' dismay.

"Louis, I had a lot of fun with you."

His voice was calmer now, almost gentle but fuck him if he thought Louis didn't know. And fuck Louis for being so stupid. Fuck, he came out for a boy who spent time with him and made him happy, yet the boy didn't even love him.

"I'm sorry but we can't be together Louis. These months were a mistake, a dumb one. What you did today put my in jeopardy with my career. People are gonna think we're together now, when in reality it was just, uh, just a fling."

"Well then? Fuck, spit it out Harry! Go on! You've already broken my heart!"  
Louis cried out, desperate for this to be over so they could hug and kiss and oh, right. Harry was not looking at him anymore, his eyes on his feet, but Louis can jut make out a small tear on his face. He whispered the next words, almost as if he was convincing himself.

"Louis I don't love you."

It's like a bullet in Louis' heart. It triggers tears to run quickly down Louis' cheeks, and fuck, he knew. He knew it and he knew it and he fucking knew it.

"Lou-"

"Get out."

"But maybe-"

"Get the FUCK out of my house Harry. Get your shit and go."

Louis' now the one looking down, scared to see Harry' face and for Harry to see his reaction. He was pretty sure Harry's crying hard too , but that could just be what's left of his imagination.

He stood there as Harry collected his stuff- his indie rock albums he left around for Louis to listen to, the cologne that make him smell so fucking good, the beanie that made him look like he's a teenager.

He stood there as Harry turned to leave, pausing too look at Louis on his way out before sighing, "Goodbye, Louis." and walking out of Louis' life.

He stood there.

He just stood there.

//

_I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side._

To say that Louis' Christmas was horrible was an dramatic understatement.

After Harry had left, Louis found himself incapable to do anything but send Zayn, Liam, and Niall quick and vague texts explaining the party was off and Louis' would be spending the holidays in Doncaster. They all had fired back about a million questions, most about Harry, but Louis' had turned off his phone, the challenge of getting a flight now ahead of him.

It wasn't easy, but he had been able to snag a coach ticket for a red-eye flight into Heathrow that night. The flight was too long, giving Louis far too much time to think about things, as well as face the coach passengers who all wanted a picture.

He had arrived early Christmas morning, and quickly looked through the airport for some gifts to give the girls, his mum, and Dan. He took a taxi to his home, immediately comforted by the potted flowers now secluded by the snow, as well as the tree foliage drooping down with the weather' weight.

His mother had been excited of course, shocked even more, and cried at the sight of Louis. She gave him a look as if to say we are talking about this later and fuck mothers and their ever-knowing minds. He had been attacked by the girls soon enough, all screaming and tugging on his various body parts. Phoebe and Daisy were dying to know if Louis' had brought along his little curly friend to which Louis responded to with a slight shake of his head, before changing the subject by pulling out his airport gifts.

His mum of course, didn't seem to forget about the whole showing-up-on-Christmas-with-out-any-prior-notice scenario like his sisters did.

The truth had came out obviously, fell out as quickly as the tears had that night on his mother's bed. She comforted him at all the right times, said all the right things that didn't prevent his heart for aching for the next two weeks, but numbed it slightly that night.

When he had finally turned his phone on, he was bombarded with about a million texts from what seemed like everybody he ever had spoken to.

Everybody except the one he wanted to talk to the most.

He decided to call Zayn first, knowing that he was far enough away from Louis, making it impossible for him to come and pity him. Plus, he would also take care of talking to Liam and Niall.

Zayn had been angry, practically fuming, but calmed down profoundly after Louis explained the situation, muttering a simple "oh, Lou" when he had finished his explaination, which had brought along another fresh set of tears.

Louis also had spoken to Eleanor, informing her of his whereabouts. She had told him that the public's reception to Louis coming out, (which, yeah fuck, Louis kind of forgot about), informing him the response was surprisingly positive. Louis was even being called a role model by various LGBQT communities, much to Louis' delighted surprise.

The ball had dropped, though, when she mentioned a movie premiere Louis was scheduled to attend. In Los Angeles.

Louis had firmly refused right away, having made a promise to himself to never return that wretched city as long as Harry was in residence.

But of course, Eleanor had come up with a reason for him to go, claiming that Louis hiding in some small town right after making the biggest announcement of his life so far was radiating fear and embarrassment to the general public. Louis decided againist telling her the truth that yes, that was the reason he was here.

Louis had contemplated the situation. The city was pretty big. And the whole point of coming out was to be brave, be himself. He wasn't going to do that by hiding. As much as his decision was for himself, it was also for those kids who felt tormented by their sexuality. For Louis, a star footballer and a well-known figure, to come out might be inspiring to some kids who feel torn, like they were all by themselves in their troubles.

So reluctantly, he agreed, much to Eleanor's delight, and listened for the information that followed.

3 days later, he was on a plane- this time first class -to the city of broken hearts and unrequited love.

Los Angeles, here he comes.

//

_All I want is nothing more, then to see you knocking at my door._

The suit fit. Thank God, the fucking suit fit.

Between the endless pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream shoveled down with his feeling and a steady diet consisting of some form of takeaway, Louis was sure he had gained at least 10 pounds over the holiday.

His suit told otherwise, though, clinging nicely in all the right places and buttoning perfectly.He was dressed like a person going to a movie premiere should be dressed- subtly gorgeous.

He glanced at the clock, seeing he had about an hour before a car was to pick him up and take him to meet Zayn, Liam, and Niall at the premiere. One condition to Louis coming was tickets for them, of course.

In the two days he had been here, he had only seen Zayn. He had picked Louis up from the airport, greeting him with a long embrace that had caused many stares and a few pictures.

Louis still had the rental because he had thought he would be here until the beginning of January, but was told by Zayn that neither he nor Niall would be staying there. Zayn had Liam of course, and Niall had found a nice hotel that was filled with his share of nice birds and blokes.

Zayn hadn't asked about Harry. Louis wasn't sure if it was the now ever-present dim to his eyes or just his common sense that told him to steer clear, but whatever it was, Harry's name was not mentioned once.

Louis fixed his hair in the mirror for a bit before being interrupted by a light knock on the door.

He looked at the clock again, checking to see if he was off on what time the car was coming, only to find it displaying a time 50 minutes before his scheduled pick up.

He headed downstairs to answer the door, curiosity rising with each step.

Oh, but he was not just some visitor.

Louis opened the door to find a lanky boy in a black suit, his hair done up nicely but his green eyes lacking the sparkle they seemed to always possess. He looked at Louis with a bit of an urgency, like he had something to say and if it didn't come out he would never live to see another day. But that was just his interpretation of it. The boy looked ages older as well, and Louis couldn't help but wonder if maybe he was the cause of that.

He was still beautiful though, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and fuck, he's cried so many nights over this boy. Why was he here, and why was he so beautiful and why-

"Hey, Lou." Harry's voice spoke gently, as if it was Sunday morning and he was trying to wake Louis up and oh right, Louis would know what that sounded like, wouldn't he?

"Can I come in?"

Louis wasn't sure why he hadn't slammed the door in Harry's face yet. He thinks it's his neediness- his want to know why he was left in such manner. He thinks that also is what causes him to step out of the way and open the door wider, signaling Harry to step in.

The boy looked shocked for a moment before stepping over the house's threshold. Louis closed the door, immediately aware of every corner and wall in the room and becoming extremely claustrophobic.

He moved briskly into the upstairs living room, Harry trampling along after him.

He takes a seat on the couch, Harry hesitating before choosing to sit in a chair directly across from Louis. The two look at each other for a second before Harry begins speaking.

"I'm coming out."

And oh wow, okay. This is going a bit full circle here, eh?

"I'm not really sure when, but like, sometime soon. After, uh, after I left I was feeling like a piece of shit and I decided that I was tired of hiding the truth for my career, ya know? If my fans are who I think they are, they won't care if I'm gay. So-"

Louis can't take it. He thinks he might blow so he better end this before it gets worse.

"That's great, Harry. Really. Proud of you. But I have to be somewhere, so if we're finished?"

"No, Louis, fuck, that's not- that's not why I came here. I'm sorry Louis. What I did was horribleand I understand if you never want to see me again. You, you hate me and you can even be proud of me for my decision yet I love you and I couldn't even-"

"You don't love me." Louis whispers, catching Harry's mistake and oh, how hearing those words again, this time for his own mouth, hurts.

The look on Harry's face almost angers Louis, so sad and guilty and no, why is he here.

"Louis, fuck. There were so many things I said that day, so many things that were complete bullshit.The fact that I said it was a fling, it makes me cringe. What I experienced with you, Louis, was not a fling. It was a relationship; if that even exists anymore and fuck, it was a good one until I came in and fucked shit up."

Louis didn't have much to say to that because yeah, it's kinda true. Harry moves closer now, crouching in front of Louis legs.

"Louis, I love you. I've- I've never felt love like this and fuck, this is so cheesy and I'm a fucking failure and you deserve so much better, butI am in love with you."

Oh no, here comes the Augustus Waters crap and Louis didn't think he can deal with Harry explaining that "love is just a shout into the void" and "oblivion is inevitable". So he did what he did best, naturally.

He kissed him.

And this time it wasn't for a distraction, or a thrill. It was because he fucking loved this boy, with all his flaws and mistakes and long limbs and coconut-head.

Louis loved Harry Styles. And Harry loved him.

Louis broke the kiss just to pull a dazed Harry into his bedroom, jumping on the bed and pulling off his suit and tie while waiting for Harry to do the same.

Harry goes the extra mile, pulling off all his clothes and jumping on Louis as they try to devour each other's mouths again. Soon Harry's licking into his mouth, pulling out moans, and causing his eyes to pop open. He sees the clock in the corner of his eye and fuck, they only have a half an hour. Louis quickly turns their bodies around so he now was lying on Harry's chest, running his tongue along Harry's bottom lip.

Louis tried to speed up the process, moving his lips from Harry's lips down to his jawbone, that his collarbone, the started teasing his nipples slightly, giving tiny little bites to each one alternatively. Soon he's a wreck, squirming and moaning like a pornstar. Louis moved down reluctantly, a bit upset when the moans that made his cock so hard began to fade.

Determined to bring them back, Louis heads straight to Harry's thick member, which was hard against his stomach and dropping precome. He stared at it for a second, it's beauty sort of infatuating, before Harry groaned.

"Fuck, Lou, come on."

That gets Louis going. He took the leaking head into his mouth, licking at the slit slightly before pushing his throat down a bit more, his tongue still working the underside. Harry moaned loudly, his hand reaching towards Louis' head instinctively, pulling a bit at the roots when Louis used his other hand to fondle with his balls. Louis started bobbing his head up and down as well, Harry's hand slightly pushing him a bit further each time and fuck, this turned him on.

He removed his hand from Harry's balls and reached from his own dick after unbuttoning his still-on trousers, slowly stroking as he let Harry thrust up into his mouth a bit. He was embarrassingly hard considering he'd not been touched and also felt himself close to a release. He sensed Harry was too, by his sloppy thrusts and loud, incoherent moans, so he removed his mouth with a pop, as well as his own hand.

Harry looked frazzled, and too worked up to yell, but still shot Louis a look of confusion.

"Don't have much time baby, wanna fuck you."

Harry groaned at that spreading his legs as if to say hurry up I'm ready.

Louis grabbed the lube, which was thankfully still in the beside table drawer, and deposited a generous amount onto his palm before greasing up two fingers.

He traced Harry's rim, loving how the boy shuddered into his touch, before inserting his digit fully into Hardy's arse. Harry groaned in pleasure, clenching tightly around Louis' finger.

"Another, Lou, fuck, one more."

"Yeah? You like that?"

Harry moaned in response and Louis took it as a yes, pushing a second finger in Harry's rim. He moved the two around a bit, getting Harry's hole stretched enough and massaging Harry's prostate, causing Harry to cry out in extreme pleasure.

He was soon empty, however. Louis slicked up his cock after removing his fingers and lined it up at Harry's hole.

"Ready, love?"

"Fuck, Louis, fuck me."

Louis pushed in completely, leaving a moaning Harry who soon uttered a single word: "Move."

Louis did just that. He slammed into Harry at such a pace, hitting his prostate every time, leaving him a complete wreck.

"Fuck, yeah, Louis, again!"

Louis did just that, but with the clenching of Harry's hole around his cock, he knew he wasn't gonna last for very long.

" 'M close, love," he muttered.

Harry moaned and nodded. With a few more thrusts of his hips, Louis was coming into Harry's hole.

Harry followed soon after, coming with such a scream of Louis' name, Louis thought he could get hard again by the sound of it.

They laid there for a few moments, Louis feeling blissful in the silence.

It was amazing, really, the turn of events. No more than an hour ago Louis wouldn't have minded if Harry had accidentally been shot. Now, here they were.

"Louis?"

"Mm?"

"I love you."

Louis doesn't think that his heart will never flutter a bit at those words. Not as long as he's living and breathing.

"Lou?  
"Yes Harry?"

"I think, i-f you'd help me, I mean, I think I'm going to come out tonight."

That's got Louis up alright, bringing home the reality of their situation. He glanced at the clock again. 10 minutes. He turned to Harry again, still a little shocked.

"Are you sure? There's no need to rush, I mean-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. I- I need to do this. I need to make it up to you."

"Harry, you don't have to come out to make it up to me. What you do was wrong, yeah, and you broke my heart. But the place you came from was fear, not hate. I know that now. You don't need to do this."

"Louis, I love you. And I just want the whole world to know. Please?"

And how could one say no to that?

//

_I'll find somebody, like you_

"You ready?" Louis asked to a knee bobbing Harry. The boy looks like he is going to be sick and Louis wonders if that's how he looked.

"No." Harry responds, turning to Louis.

They've arrived now, the car pulling to a stop in front of whatever color carpet they’re supposed to be walking on.

"Hey. I love you. You can do this."

Harry chuckled for a second before looking at Louis, dead serious.

"Why am I so lucky?"

Louis just shrugged and shook his head, opening the door to exit the car, Harry following right behind.

There was a pretty large crowd gathered, and Louis recognized some of the celebrities already on the carpet.

Louis could practically feel the air around Harry shake, his whole body trembling as he scanned the scene until Louis couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed Harry's hand and smiled, aware that there are suddenly more eyes and lenses on the two of them. Harry was sweating so much and oh, the poor kid. Louis stood on his toes a bit to reach Harry's ear and whispered, "Ready?"

Harry nodded.

"Just keep your eyes on me, okay? It's just me and you."

They were now in the center of the carpet, under the scrutiny of people from all directions focusing on them, but they had soon faded after Louis looks into Harry's eyes.

He realized the minute he saw Harry he was a goner; he fell in love with a boy who was too clumsy form the moment he laid eyes on him. He denied himself, told the media and his friends that he felt nothing, too scared his heart would be broken. And yes it was, and it hurt like hell but Louis now realized it never fully broke, did it? Because if it did, his heart wouldn't race as he looked into Harry's eyes, giving a slight nod to tell him it was showtime.

This was love.

It wasn't perfect, but then again what is?

So here they were, the footy player and the popstar, about to confess their love to the world.

Louis only really had one thing to say, though. He smiled and stared at his boyfriend.

"Now kiss me you fool."


End file.
